For most people, therapy is considered an option only once all else fails. It’s their last resort!
Seeking help for mental distress can make you believe you are inept at managing yourself, and feelings of inadequacy and incompetence may creep in. A sense of shame and embarrassment permeates, especially when everyone around you seems to be dealing perfectly well with their surroundings.
We tend to use delaying tactics
Why am I having such a tough time? If others can manage themselves, why can’t I? Is it that I’m just not trying hard enough? – all relevant questions that we ask ourselves often, but ones that don’t have tangible answers. In a way, we convince ourselves to ‘wait and watch’!
Instead, a few questions you could ask yourself when faced with this dilemma are – Why am I trying so desperately to do this alone, when somebody with the expertise could guide me fairly easily? If I can walk into a doctor’s clinic and describe how I broke my arm, can I tell them how I can’t stop worrying? Is there any reason behind my suffering in silence?
When you ask yourself these simple questions, you may recognize the irrationality behind your hesitance. You may even realize that stalling is your way of dealing with the uncertainty of what therapy has to offer. And that may act as the push you really need!
So when is it really time to visit a therapist?
To answer this simply: when you feel like your thoughts, feelings or mood seem to be stuck in a negative spiral for two weeks, and you can’t seem to break out of that vicious cycle with basic self-care techniques.
Having said this, I know that majority of us will wait it out for longer than two weeks, in a hope that our situation changes or we somehow enable ourselves to handle our suffering a little better. “Time heals all wounds” will be a conveniently used (or misused) expression to rationalize our delaying tactics.
But my experience tells me that other than a time frame, what is also important is the severity of the distress you are facing. On some occasions, you may find a way to adapt to your situation, and time, kindness and support may take you a long way.
But on other occasions, if you feel like your emotions are way too distressing to handle even for a week, seek help! You probably won’t be diagnosed with an illness at that stage, but you will learn better ways to cope and regulate your emotions, and are likely to feel some amount of relief!
The therapist’s perspective
If you’ve entered therapy in a state of helplessness and utter despair, you may not be capable in that moment, to identify, manage, and change patterns of thought and behaviour that need some tweaking. And that’s one fundamental element of what constitutes therapy.
You may not be as receptive to your therapist since you’re excessively preoccupied with your thoughts and are overcome by distressing emotions. Seeking help sooner rather than later, can help avoid situations like these. Your low mood and worrying can be nipped in the bud, and you can learn better coping techniques before you spiral down into a more severe mental illness.
Also, if you go to therapy only once you’re very troubled, you’re likely to be in a desperate state to feel relief. Considering that therapy is an ongoing process that takes some time to show it’s effects, you may think it isn’t working for you. In turn, higher chances of your dropping out.
Nonetheless, I cannot emphasize enough that it really is never too late! Booking your first appointment at any juncture, is better than not going at all!
Striking a balance is key!
Accurately estimating the extent of distress that you can manage independently, before getting completely overwhelmed and consumed by your problems, is vital. If you find yourself slowly tilting towards the latter, it is time you seek professional help. The onus of objectively and impartially judging your mental standing will be on you!
Ask yourself – would you ignore a fever that lasted a few weeks? Probably (and hopefully) not, so why the differential treatment towards some other symptoms? For all you know, your doctor or therapist will tell you your stress or worries aren’t pathological, will assist you with a few tips and insights, and will send you on your way. In other cases, you’ll be diagnosed well in time and can initiate your journey to improved mental health.